Saint Pete was up there polishing
His pearly little gates
And checking the obituaries
Against his list of names
He hadn’t let a soul inside
For something near a year
It had gotten so damn slow up there
He had gotten bored to tears
He looked down on our swollen rock
To see what was going wrong
He almost died of shock when he saw
What was going on
He saw us sipping coffee
Drinking, fucking, puffing smoke
And he saw the fun we’re having
With our coke and womenfolk
Then he headed back to heaven
Where he wrote his resignation
He stuck his halo in his sack and
Headed to the station
He arrived onto this planet
Just a little while later
And the first thing peter did
Was try to find himself a mate
“What?” he says “I been alone
For near two thousand years
And I had got so fucking bored up there
I had gotten bored to tears.”
He said “now I’m here I may as well
Go do as others do
I would say ‘when in Rome’
But that’s one place I aint going to.”
He caught a tube to Camden
Walked around the market stalls
He got himself some cowboy boots
And a hat to top it off
He found himself an Irish pub
Where he stayed until the dawn
Drinking whiskey in the company
Of the land lady Shavon
Well peter pulled some strings and
He asked Jesus one last thing
He figured jesus owed him
For his executioning
A flash of light and peter cried
In joy and disbelief
For now he is the land lord
And Shavon's his best barkeep
“What?” he says “I been alone
For near two thousand years
And I had got so fucking bored up there
I had gotten bored to tears.”
He said “now I’m here I may as well
Go do as others do
I would say ‘when in Rome’
But that’s one place I aint going to.
